Resilience is *NOT* about bouncing back quickly
How to build resilience by letting go with purpose
The term resilience is gaining common currency, becoming rooted in our everyday language. We often hear politicians talk about the toughness and resilience of the public against adversity. And plenty of business books talk up organisational grit as the holy grail of reaching top performance.
On a personal level, we have all surely experienced a time when a teacher, manager, parent, colleague or a self-help book told us to persevere in the face of setbacks, complimenting us on how courageous we are when we overcome…
‘Learn to bounce back and you will conquer life’s great challenges’
‘Whatever life throws at you, stand up and tackle it head on…’
So what’s wrong with that?
Metaphors about fighting, springing into action or bouncing back only serve to perpetuate that resilience is for the tough or you need to toughen up. Only the tough can survive because you need the strength to fight. As if life’s obstacles and knockbacks – whatever they may be – are an invisible enemy. What’s the solution?
Here’s an approach to help you work with life’s challenges…
1 – Focus on what is working well and build upon it
Too much focus on problem solving directs our most precious resource — our attention — to problems. When we spotlight the negative, it limits our cognitive capacity to imagine new opportunities or explore what’s possible. Too much focus on what is wrong also amplifies our problems, zapping our energy, confidence, and motivation. Not exactly a recipe for creative thinking or nurturing a growth mindset!
2 - Learn to let go and work on your hopes and aspirations
Letting go of a grievance or a challenging experience is an essential part of resilience because it creates the right energy to shift and move forward by choosing to give up resentment, anger, and fear. Consciously releasing what is not serving you creates space for dialogue to begin with and for healthy change to take place. Sometimes empathy can help - putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and really appreciating how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking.
3 – Discover your inner challenges and don’t get sidestepped by peripheral issues
We sometimes focus too much on targets, goals, and resolutions when we want to be happier, get a pay rise, lose weight, start our business, etc. Only to find ourselves bitterly disappointed when we miss our set targets, lose motivation, or don’t even know where to start. There is a better way. That involves digging much deeper and instead asking yourself the following questions –
What do I want to achieve? Do I REALLY want to do this or what I think I SHOULD?
What are my strengths?
What is REALLY holding me back?
What could the future look like for me?
What does my plan look like?
What are the first steps I will take?
At Braegen Coaching, our approach to resilience is not conventional. Whatever you come to the coaching sessions with, we can tackle things together to get you where you want to be.